The work I never chose
For I could not imagine the immense beauty it would bring into my life
Before the change took place in my life, I was known as Amihai Loven, the high-tech entrepreneur that founded mantis-vision.com.
Before that “image”, I was known as Amihai Loven, the manager of two cutting-edge research labs in the computer science departments of two of the top research institutes in Israel.
Before that image, I was known as Amihai Loven, the carpenter who built wood houses.
Those images, of ‘I’, of ‘me’ of that individual, had significance in my life, which at that time, I was busy developing.
The story of life, is always unique.
Every so often it is “impressive” or even “inspiring”,
But in the life of Amihai Loven, as he experienced it, the only inspiring factor was that he never knew.
Left high school without graduation, never went to college, he was arguing that his interest can never be satisfied by what is known. And the inquiry into the unknown was where his heart and mind were.
Despite being exposed to “spiritual teachings”, I never came to see that the total majority of my life’s energy, is spent on building and maintaining images, identities, both functionals and later spirituals.
And I say “Is spent”, and not “Was spent” because it never ended, only became more clear and less “believed”.
The change that took place, yet – never happened
Around 2014, a chain of unexpected events, have shaken my life completely. And before I could understand and rationalize it, I became almost homeless, away from my family, away from my social circles, away from my homeland.
All that I knew, all my skills, all my capacities, as if started to “lose air”.
And all my interest, gradually shifted to Air, Space, Emptiness, Freedom of the known, The end of becoming, What is.
A long book can be written to describe this absurd shift, and the confusion that it brought into my life, but if I have to explain it in one sentence, it would be –
I knew, I saw clearly, that I do not know, and I never knew, anything about everything.
The world of imagination started to reveal itself, as it is -
The images, the image maker, the imagination capacity, and all the unreality of it
Why are you reading this? I don’t know.
That which I have to say, can not be explained.
This blog, and especially the podcast section of it, is the work I never chose.
If you’d walk by my side, for a while, I’ll freely share with you, probably daily, that which I don’t know.
Subscribe to this mailing list and find out if it brings any value to your life.
My story is same but those chain of events were so dark that i had borderline schizophrenia due to dissociatives abuse(i was angry at being betrayed by my gf), got tortured in mental hospital for 3 months and then a month ago my mum commited suicide .. ppl think i ve become serious cuz those events affect my brain nd they show sympathy which feels like pity but the truth is those events revealed the nature of truth to me nd i can never be selfish again . Also on friday i gave up my bachelor in computer engg. Degree i didnt sit in final 8th semester exams . M not proud of these events but now m seriously true to myself . I think we tend to share our life with others to escape loneliness .. i wonder if u r doing the same.
Amihai -
After reading this, I realize that in many ways, we share a very similar journey, with many great and sometimes very dark moments in our lives, abrupt changes in our lifestyle and overall direction, while being faced with challenging circumstances, loss of possessions, family, and sometimes personal freedom. I still remember the very last time we spoke, which was during one of my darker moments. I tried unsuccessfully to reconnect again and again, wondering what happened to my friend.
When I read this I could not help but to reflect on my own struggles and eventual enlightenment, including those times when I was indeed "homeless", no place to go, no place to sleep outside of my car, eventually living in a shelter, left with only my faith to guide to me as I struggled on how to provide for my family and get a place of our own. Some would ask, is faith alone enough to overcome such struggles, and I would point them to the following scriptures, my source of strength that can answer it best:
PSA 121:7-8
PSA 145:13
*James 1:2-4
And then I would go on to explain what each of those verses "meant to me" and how I felt about the dark places and the struggles I face in life. Through faith, I realize that what we sometimes think are bad circumstances, can actually be God working out His good purposes in our lives, perhaps there are some things that God must strip from our lives in order to bring us closer to Him. We sometimes find ourselves in places where we don't want to be, we think this is bad... God may see it as a Good place for you, because He is accomplishing greater works in your life, a plan that He has yet to reveal to you, meaning every bad circumstance is not actually bad, if it is producing something in you that is good. "Change".
Something extraordinary happens in our lives when we endure the testing of life and God's discipline, because He always holds out hope, for those who return to Him. He is forever faithful.
Let His light be your guide during times of struggle and darkness because you are never alone, He is always with you, waiting to show you, teach you, lift you up and embrace you once you are willing to surrender your will in exchange for His. God's light will always overcome darkness, no matter how dark a place we find ourselves.
While this is my personal belief, based upon my own personal experiences, being a witness to several unexplainable miracles, I share it for the purpose of those who might need to hear it coming from a different perspective and for the non-believer who might have tried everything else, yet still find themselves alone in the dark. Perhaps it's time from you to look directly towards the light for your answer and you too may find deliverance. It worked for me. It simply requires just a little faith.